My mom was asking me to carry her recliner out to the backyard for her.... so with surprising ease I lifted the chair up and was following her down the sidewalk leading to our gate. I'm trying to reason with her that it's not a good idea to take her chair outside it will get ruined by the rain... noticing how chipper her steps were, she had no problem walking. As we enter the backyard she told me that her chair would be fine because it doesn't rain here. I replied "What do you mean it doesn't rain here?" looking around thinking okay this is NOT my backyard... well sort of it was. It was beautiful! Full of amazing flowers, birds and a pond that sparkled. She told me "Put the chair right here so I can watch the bunnies." Then I noticed about six bunnies hopping about. So I put her chair down and she sat down in it. I asked her "are you alright?" She replied "I'm fine," she grabbed my hand and kissed it. Then she told me "Now you run along, you've got things to do!"
That's all I can remember of my dream...
We had a thing about chairs. She always wanted to buy a new chairs, move chairs, switches chairs back and forth... she sort of made us nutty about chairs. She had a lot of trouble walking the last year or so of her life... (me noticing her chipper walk.) The garden and birds is what she loved... She would sit by her window to watch the bunnies born in our backyard last summer.
I couldn't believe how vivid and colorful this dream was... and how much it eased my aching heart. I know it was my mom's way of telling me she's fine and that I've got things to do, like take care of myself and my family.
She'll be gone 6 months on the 9th... a half of year already. I can't even begin to explain how much I miss her. I'm still grieving and it's hard... I have some bad days here and there. But I think about this dream and it makes me feel better. One day, when she was at the Hospice House we were talking about my sister Deb and her grandkids... my mom said "Deb's a good grandma," I agreed with her, then after a few seconds she took my hand and kissed it. Then she said "and someday you will be too!" brings tears to my eyes! My mom taught me how to be the mom that I am and I can't wait to be a grandma just like her.
4 comments:
Oh, this is such a beautiful post. I know it's very personal, but I'm really glad you shared it here. I am hugely fascinated by dreams and spent two years doing dreamwork. When the emotion of a dream is that powerful and stays with you for so long, I believe it is much more than "just a dream."
((Anet))
What a beautiful and comforting vision to have the boundaries between life and death blur enough, and your heart open enough, to experience that. I've never been through a loss as profound as yours and wish you all the love and peace in the world as you "run along". I can't imagine a happier place for Alice to be than sitting in the garden watching the bunnies. I hope when I am gone that's where they'll leave me.
so lovely, Anet... You had a very close relationship with your mom.. and you kids did too.. that is something so special in times like this.. unusual really.. and beautiful.. She will always be with you in everything you do and think.day or night. awake or asleep..
I still think of my dad every single day and get that twinge ..he has been gone since 2000.
Anet, this is such a beautiful and meaningful dream. I'm so glad you had it, remember it, and chose to share it with us. What a comfort it must be to have had this. Hugs my friend. ♥
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