Friday, August 30, 2013

Seasons of life...

Life is funny... I've never had a time in my life where I've felt so many changes headed my way.  Not all good or bad, just changes. I am (unfortunately) not great with change.  I like to think of life as seasons. I've just left late summer and am now moving into fall. A time to let go, a time to prepare for winter, a time to think about what's left.  I wish I was one of those people that could live in the moment, enjoy what's going on now and I do, somewhat. But I also spend too much time thinking ahead. It's that crazy (organizer) in me, I assume. Must plan everything! 

So what's brings on all this change? Plenty. Where could I start?... well, let me start with me.

Physically: I'm getting older. The face, the body, the hair.  It's getting harder and harder to maintain some sort of youthful look.  The face is getting wrinkles and sags. I am shocked when I see a photo of me from say... 4 years ago.  Let's face it... I'm 50, soon to be 51. This is a hard pill to swallow, let me tell you. I'm wanting to chop my hair off but I'm so afraid that I would go into complete melt down if I hated it... which I most likely would. So I just keep braiding it and braiding it.  The body is not cooperating with me at all. No matter how far  I walk, how long I jump on the mini tramp, how little I eat... nothing changes much. I'm a slug. A slug with achy joints. 

Mentally: I'm getting to be so "bitchy" for a better word.  And yes, I am in the beginning stages of menopause... dumdumdum...dum. Which isn't too bad right now. Hopefully, it will stay that way.
So I don't know if I should blame the menopause for my "bad" attitude or the fact that I'm getting older and am I'm just not taking anyone's crap anymore (ask my oldest brother about that!)  Eh... either way... I'm bitchy. Let's add a little scattered brained to that also... not sure which one to blame for that either, hopefully it's the menopause!

Family: Well, my two oldest seem to only call when they need something from me. Yeah...
but I can understand that. Autumn is super busy and Caleb is stretching his wings. So that's okay.
Noah is soon turning 14 and whoa! He's not needing the mom so much. This is the biggie for me, what the heck am I going to do with myself now the kids are moving along in life?  Sigh... I'm working on that. Grand-babies would be awesome, but none are in sight as of now.
Brad... well, let just say we've moved into a "we're in it for the long run, so let's pace ourselves" relationship.  No sparks from the electrician. He's in mano-pause I believe. Okay, enough said about that.
Extended family: All the old folks are D-E-A-D... except one 92 year old uncle that I never see.  And it's weird; now my older siblings and cousins have moved in to the elders spot. Life keeps rolling along, stopping for no body or no thing! I'm telling you, there's no climbing back up those stairs (of life) once you've started your way down!

 Lexington, MI Vacation 2012

So I'm really feeling the changes, not only in life, but with the earth's seasonal change too, a double whammy, let's say.  If I could just figure out how to fill my fall season of life with something to make me feel useful, loved and cared for.  Everyone needs to feel those things, right? And don't tell me to get a job, I have plenty of jobs and I don't want a "real" job...ever! sorry:)
I'll find myself in the middle of the day after all my house cleaning, internet using, dog walking, sort of homeschooling is over, thinking; now what?  I can't possible paint another room! Because that seasoned body of mine has put the breaks on that for awhile while my back heals.  I hate this backache...stops me from doing so much. As soon as I get a day of it feeling better, then I over-do it like a dummy and take 2 steps back. I thought with age comes wisdom...
 Seasonal changes... this one's a doosie!


Project Tara said...

I can empathize with you, Anet. It's a different time, for sure. Not really bad, just weird sometimes. And good sometimes too. Funny, I've been thinking of writing about this myself. Maybe I will now.

Anet said...

Yeah... there's something weird in the air for sure. I'm just hoping whatever is blowing in, isn't a tornado.